to the 300 odd people who cared to leave messages comments and advise over the last two weeks I thank you so much, especially the 50 or so who left multiple comments, you were all so helpfull. So far from your advice I have booked holidays in Iraqi, bought anti smoking generic drugs online which I have to say work a treat as I still dont smoke and it never looked like I would, I also got two enlargements, Im keeping one as a spare, as you just never know, thanks for your tip, april1978! I also invested in some German stuff, that came well recommended and advised I must rush to save disappointed. Im sure I wont be disappointed when it arrives, whatever it is as 428 million germans cant be wrong. And to all those wanting to quote from the plan, be our guest, of course the royalties are due on the second tuesday of the third month of the year, please just leave your payment in a brown paper bag in the usuall place.
So thats out of the way, where was I, Oh yeah so after driving the ring…
… we packed up and headed back to London, where after another epic journey in the truck we boarded the ferry, however enough time was made available in the que to load the boat for me to go and have my first unassisted Fully french conversation, well as french as ordering two hotdogs one with onions the other with cheese and onions and two cokes. Small triumphs I say. So I arrived home to jane that night and crashed, as it was only 8 hours tillI boarded a plane to Zurich, where Garys father awaited to be escorted back to Australia. Ken had got himself into trouble with the law 1 million worth in swiss watches, and was on the run and had to go to ground, So I had to smuggle him out of Switzerland…Hang on a minute… cant back that up, needels to say I helped out where possible as we made our way across the globe with the FBI in hot pur…Stop it…
After stopping in Zurich switzerland and Dubai airport we safely arrived in melbourne, where I was greeted by gaz who thankfully dropped me at mum and dads empty house. Of course the surprise trip, was such a surprise the folks decided to go away and werent expecting to return till almost after I had left, however some deft storytelling probably including international intrigue etc guaranteed their return sometime that day, but when! Dah Dah dahhhh. Well it wasnt while I was asleep, the trip having taken its toll, as the movies were poor at best, and sleep was not welcome where i was!
As I had to be alert in case the KGB were on our tail, so much so that I managed to get us upgrared to business class for the grand total of 1 hour and 12 minutes, when I say u I mean Ken, i had to stay with the cattle and guard the loot…oh god Im back there again, anyhoo, having travelled the world with empty suit cases with barely a pair of spare underdrawerclothesthings I stole the Volvo (Like the saint i drive volvos, and he is an international man of mystery), well actually I did as mum didnt know I had the car, so there is some truth to my story, to head to susie’s as she was my next acomplice in the great Knox job of 2010. My haul included so much I havent needed to shop since, Of course I very rare;y shop so it may not have been that big, but it did fill mu drag bag onth ereturn flight, of course the backpack was full of twisties for the trip, shlould have seen custome in zurich on my return, the bag opened and a soft golden glow overcame the customs official, she asked where I was going, To London I answered and she shutthe bag in wonder and waved me on, always to live a straight life. But I digress, to Knox, to shop, to own, to then dash home hoping to discover and dark empty house where I may sit in the revolving chair holding the dog and turn slowly upon the parents return, probably to cause myocardial infarction, whiletapping my fingertips on one hand to the other hand while held palm to palm, Its harder to describe than you think. However a slight delay in my departure with my own loot from the hideway (susies house) allowed the woud be dead to arrive home, not discover the missing car but find someone had been sleeping in the bed at the end of the hall, What is wrong with a person who notices not a missing car, nor a passport and mysterious long box in the kitchen but the gentle ruffles of a poorly made bed…well i tell thee now, that sort of person Is my Mother, Dah, dah, dahhhh. Of course her first reaction is to not cal the bear hunters, but to call said aformentioned and well loved sister and demand to speak to the culprit. Only a mother would notice the shape of the indent in an unmade bed and determine that not 1 million miles away is her son but only near Knox is he now. So terrorising the parents idea was ruined so i helped unpack the winne-bigger than my london flat-bago bus after their return and hung around chatting.
The next few days are a blur of family and friends of spending obscene amounts of money on nothing at all, well to me, Melbourne is expensive, there were trips to films with pre teen nephew and neice and just post teen sister ( Oh shucks she says) then go karting with slightly older nephews and grandpa. Who i must say again excelled himself in his ability to miss the wave past and believe he legitimately passed me, this is the story of my life mind as everytime we kart together, its On However in fairness I always spend some time in the back chasing as its fun. You hear that you old bugger, cause its fun not cause you actually passed me. However there was this one time where we came face to face on the fastest corner of the track, afer my Nurburgring experience I thought the cart could do the flip flop flat, Nope it couldnt and a hard sideways spin into the wall placed me back into the path of Father believing If i could do it so could he, what he couldnt see around the corners was I couldnt do it, neither could he and pow, bang bish, followed the biggest eyes I have ever seen…too funny, anyway between late nights with the friends who replied to phone calls and days spent with family doing football games, Gym competitions, movies and generally mee looking and beinmg out of place as a modern british chap in east Melbourne I returned home via dubai and zurich after another 5 days away.
anyway time fo the evening walk, So wheres the leash,